Social Skills
Take the “t” Out
There is special scene from my book where Tusker, the mountainous African elephant at the zoo, comes over to comfort Andy who is feeling frustrated and a bit sad. Andy finds meeting people difficult and awkward at best because he doesn’t quite understand the appropriate steps to take when introducing himself and talking to someone he has never met. Andy combines his resourceful imagination and his connection with the elephants to learn the communication skill his dad is teaching him.
“Kiddo, I am going to help you take the ’t’ out of ‘I can’t’ and turn it into ‘I can’,” Tusker told him.
Teaching our students to say and believe “I can” and not “I can’t” was an amazing challenge and such a rewarding one. Andy learned by Tusker’s examples, along with plenty of assurance and guidance, and lots of practice, how he CAN be successful and overcome his struggles and to gain the confidence he needed to use the steps to meet and make new friends. Not only do we learn about acceptance of self and others through friendship, but we learn about sharing, caring, compromise, empathy, respect, and problem solving. All of these are vital social skills necessary to build a healthy childhood. A friendship in a child’s life is a developmental asset. It can grow to become a natural part of your child’s life experiences. Learning useable social skills CAN be a giant step toward gaining independence.
Through my training in an autism classroom, I saw the enormous benefits of teaching social skills lessons to our students. Working as a team, we approached the individual challenges faced by our students with the hope that we could make a difference and provide skills for successful communication. Even the smallest achievements were huge triumphs and important to each student’s growth. Some of my favorite moments in our classroom were spent teaching social skills to our students.
What are social skills?
Social skills are the basic everyday communication techniques that we use to express ourselves by sharing our thoughts, feelings, and needs in appropriate ways. Social skills lessons involve teaching basic skills for common everyday situations like asking for something we need, waiting quietly for a turn, staying calm during loud noises, learning to play with each other or being able to make eye contact. As parents, we teach our children social skills daily by showing examples of these skills in our communication and problem solving techniques. Any of these obstacles for your child could be associated with having ASD, social anxiety, shyness, or feelings associated with low self-esteem.
What specific struggles with communication or behavior would you like to help your child overcome? Make a list then pick the one that is most important to you and your child at the time. That list will change once you have tackled and conquered that skill to the best of your child’s ability. Spend time reviewing your list, add any new ones, and pick another skill to address. Remember to choose one skill at a time.
It is important to know that a social skills lesson needs to be modeled or shown in a specific and simple way for a child to understand what it is that he or she needs to learn. First, start by teaching the new behavior in a quiet place where your child can focus more easily, then little by little, breakdown each step for your child. Teaching and modeling the skill can be reinforced throughout the day. Teachable moments can happen at home, when you are at the grocery store or in any other environment with your child. Make use of natural opportunities.
Parents and guardians can find training and advice for sound techniques and tools for building social skills from their pediatricians, schools/teachers, and local organizations throughout their communities.
Perseverance
Consistency is the key to a child’s success. Just as Tusker tells Andy in the story, “First you to learn the basic steps,” Tusker explained. “Then you to practice the steps again and again. . .”
When learning a new skill, repetitive teaching is so important! Should I say that again? Repeat, repeat, and then repeat the words and actions again “until it becomes natural” for your child!!
Rules for a successful outcome are as follows: keep it simple, keep it attainable, keep it consistent, and keep it fun!! Be creative by using attention grabbing props that your child loves for teaching tools, like books, movies, or a stuffed elephant. By following these basic steps you and your child will be able to stick with it from start to success. There are always the moments of pure frustration for both of you when first changing a behavior or learning a new skill. Walking away for a moment is healthy, however, come back to it and don’t give up!! The outcome is rewarding for both of you and is worth the work involved. Remember conquering a new skill takes practice and time. One successful step leads to the next step, giant or small. Any success should be celebrated!
